If God Calls You - You Can Do It.

Two blogs in a day! Wow!

But this is the blog I actually intended to write today. It fits with the previous one…. sort of.

This one comes out of a Facebook update I wrote, and the many comments I received after posting it. You can see it here.

The actual update read: 

“A lady at church said because of my disability, I should retire & stop running around the country... 

#SillyLady #Only49 #FitForWork #LoveMyJob #VeryCrossKay

Amazing Stories About Some Amazing Young People

I’ve been thinking through what I’m going to say at the new “Neos” conference - a conference designed to "Equip all for family, youth + children's ministry". 

Aside from some sessions in the Additional Needs Alliance stream, I’ve been asked to do a 7 minute “Quick Insight” on additional needs.

What can I say in 7 minutes? 

What I want to do is to be positive!

Then I felt a blog post ‘coming on’. It wrote itself whilst I was in the bath…..! (I do some of my best thinking whilst in the bath!)

Prayer Arrows: Use Me

The Arrow Prayers are ©2000 Kay and Steve Morgan-Gurr. 

Art work is by Neil Crook

Use Me.

The Arrow that points around and out. 

God can use you, however old you are - whether you are a brand new Christian or an old and whiskery one... He can use you in many different ways at home, at school or at church.

You will need to ask the Holy Spirit to help you see where you can be used.

James 2:17b (TLB)

Faith that doesn’t show itself by good works is no faith at all—it is dead and useless.

When I do this prayer with children I 

talk through the different ways God can use them. Quite often it's just common sense - begin with doing what you should be doing. Tidying your room and doing your chores without complaining for a start!

Being used by God isn't just about being up front, leading hundreds to Jesus, or leading worship etc. It's also being faithful in other things - shopping for someone who can't get out, helping in the garden for some one who can't do it themselves. The list could go on and on.

Micah 6:8 tells us

The Lord has told you, human, what is good; he has told you what he wants from you: to do what is right to other people, love being kind to others, and live humbly, obeying your God.  (NCV)

That says it all really!

Other Prayer Arrows can be found here:

Praise

Thanks

Sorry

Listen

Walk

More to come!

Prayer Arrows: Thanks

The Arrow Prayers are ©2000 Kay and Steve Morgan-Gurr. 

Art work is by Neil Crook

Thanks.

The Arrow That Points Backwards. 

We are supposed to be thankful for everything. Even the things we may not like!
Remember to be especially thankful for Jesus and what He has done to make it possible for us to know God and have the Holy Spirit living inside us

1 Thessalonians 5:18 (TLB)

No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.

When I do this prayer with children, I ask them what they are thankful for. The answers usually range from parents to sweets. Sometimes we get named pets or a favourite sport (Usually football)

I then start saying things that may not be on their list of things to be thankful for:  Brussel sprouts, the dentist, little brothers etc.
We then talk through the fact that these can be good things - we can be thankful that sprouts and the dentist are good for us. Sometimes we even look for the nice things about having a little brother!

Sometimes this will lead to a more in depth discussions about bad things that happen where it doesn't feel right to be thankful. Great sensitivity is needed during these time and I often agree with what they are saying - it would be cruel to tell them that they need to be thankful for awful things that may be happening to them, but encourage them to find something within those circumstances to be thankful for. It may just be "Thankyou that there are people who can help me". It can be a huge help to a child to see that they are not alone in the situations they face. (You may want to read a blog I wrote called "God's Will")

I like to use "Sweet wrapper prayers" to re-enforce this:

• Have some bright, flexible but strong paper you can use as sweet wrappers, plus some small square bits of paper.
• Get the child to write/draw what they want to say thankyou for on the square bit of paper
• Scrunch the “prayer” into a ball and wrap it in the bright paper like a sweet

Drop the sweet into a glass/clear plastic bowl and pray/say amen

Other Prayer Arrows can be found here:
Praise
Sorry
Listen
Use Me

Walk
(More coming over the next few days)

Update On How Our Prayer Activities Went

We’ve finally come to the end of a busy Summer of camps and conferences, so hopefully I should be writing a few more blogs in the coming months!

As you will know from previous blogs, we did the Beatitudes with two of the groups we worked with - quite an ambitious teaching programme!

I thought I’d let you know how the prayer activities worked.

The two groups were very different, and the selection of children within these groups was quite diverse as well! But all the activities seemed to work well in different ways.

The first group was a camp for 9 - 11 year olds (Our church camp, “Activate” at Hungarton), The children were from different backgrounds, with different abilities and many from totally unchurched backgrounds. We also had a couple of children on the autistic spectrum - so the challenge to explain everything clearly in a way they could connect with needed to be met.

The next was a group of well taught children from families who are involved in full time ministry. They were aged 5 - 13(!) Their ability was wide ranging, from a 5 year old who listened best when ‘sitting’ upside down on a chair with her legs in the air and head hanging, to a 13 year old who spoke English as her third language! Challenging in a lovely way.

Below are the links to each activity, and the update will be at the bottom of each of those pages.

Poor in Spirit - Zip Prayers

Those Who Mourn - Fizzy Prayers

The Meek - Explosive prayers

Hunger and Thirst For Righteousness - Scrabble prayers

Merciful - Speech bubble prayers

Beatitude Prayer Activities

Those who follow me on Twitter or Facebook will have seen my comments on purchasing strange things for creative prayer activities.

When we teach, we like to do a creative prayer that causes the children to stop and think about what they have heard and pray about how they can apply the teaching in their own lives.

We like these activities to be memorable, either using things the children will come across regularly or are so outrageous - they'll just recall them in those quiet moments when their minds wander.

I'm going to put some of them on here - just to spark a few ideas with folk who are (like me) keen to encourage both prayer and the application of Bible truth.

On camp this year we'll be looking at the Beatitudes. 

It's been tough preparing as I believe we often dumb down what these verses mean - turning them into a very light weight idea with wishy washy terminology. It's been tough because I want the children to have to full picture - not the 'pretty' version I was given as a child.

In our desire to make them understandable to children we have been guilty in watering them down by using words that culturally mean different things today - we've made them 'nice' rather than revolutionary.

The fact is - these words are hard hitting, active words that tell us how to live a Godly life. They are counter cultural and when applied will cause a revolution. There is nothing weak about them - they show strength in every area of our lives.

I'm up for starting a God revolution...... what about you? Care to join me?

Note: I won't be sharing them in order - I'm writing them up in the order the props arrive in the post!

Enjoy :o)

Perfectionism vs Caring Community

We're in the 21st Century, and in 'The Church', families who have children with additional needs are still being asked to leave because the church can't cope with them. If they are not asked to leave, they are left to struggle.

That probably sounds a bit harsh, but sadly it is true.

Let's look at how the meeting of Church and the 21st century is affecting those with disabilities:

A couple of years ago churches didn't think anything of having sound 'dead spots' in their main meeting room - which was a huge help to those who can't cope with sensory overload. But now, with the dawn of more advanced sound systems these 'dead spots' are frowned upon in the pursuit of a concert style sound (That is often louder than actually needed). If any one with autism, tinnitus or other conditions that don't cope with surround sound ask for a dead spot area, they are frowned upon because "It might ruin the experience for others". 

The fact that those 'others' don't notice a problem is incidental, as is the possibility that a young person with an Autistic Spectrum Disorder/Aspergers has been caused to run crying into the toilet to escape the sound.

In an attempt to make things visually more 'exciting' we have moving back grounds on screens where the song words are, making it impossible for many to read the words.

In an attempt to make worship 'flow' we don't announce which song is coming next meaning some with specific disabilities can't find the next song in the large print song book until it's nearly finished….. that's if there is a large print song book!

Caring for others, including those with disabilities is getting more and more lost in a sea of  so called improvements that make us more like the world but make our communities and our meetings less accessible. The need for perfection comes ahead of the need of the people. 

And that's just the tip of the iceberg - for a person with a disability or additional need, whether they be an adult or child, Church is a difficult place to be and often a scary place.

It's because of this that I write about disability and the church. It's the reason that I shout and scream (and metaphorically stamp my feet) on Twitter and Facebook 

God put the idea that church should be accessible on my heart when I was 14 and volunteering on a camp for children who have disabilities…. a long time before I became disabled by some genetic quirk of muscles and neurology. I didn't find out that I had the conditions I have until I was 19 and training to be a nurse.

Many people think I campaign because I am disabled…. but I've only been using a wheelchair for a small number of years. I say this because some have levelled the accusation at me that I'm only campaigning to make life better for me. This is most definitely not true.

I campaign because I want everyone to be able to access the Gospel - no matter what form that access has to be. I am most passionate about children with disabilities and additional needs, but I also campaign for adults. It is pure co-incidence that I am now experiencing what I have been campaigning about.

I have found that if I give a talk or train people when sitting down - especially in a wheelchair, people don't take me as seriously as when I stand to speak….. why is that? Does my wheelchair take my brain away? This is why I plan pain medications to make sure I can stand - which surprised a few people at the last conference I spoke at. It wasn't the standing to speak that surprised them, but the fact that they later saw me in a wheelchair!

There are so many campaigns out there - lots of them wonderful and valid campaigns. They often get a great following. But I am left slightly bewildered by the fact that saving badgers gets more support than disability discrimination awareness!

In all the hard work and heart and soul I put into this campaigning, my 'head' tells me to give up, because it is obvious that majority of 'The Church' really couldn't give a stuff about it. But my heart tells me to keep going, because every so often it makes a small difference to one child or their family - a small difference in our eyes, but a huge difference in theirs.

What I do isn't about me - it's about kids and their families, it's about all those people who need to hear about the Love of Jesus but can't. It's about the care that Jesus tells us to have.

If Jesus was visiting some our churches, I don't think He would be in the main meeting….. I believe He would be in the toilet comforting that young person who couldn't cope with the noise.

Women in Kids Work

Please be careful with the following blog post - The stories in it needed to be told because things NEED to change. I may disagree with the people in the stories but I don't want to cause them un-necessary hurt.
I am only telling these stories now because all around me I can see the damage this theology is doing. Godly women with God given gifts are being hurt, and some leaving kids work for good...... and that is wrong.

There’s a lot in the news about the decline of women in leadership roles across the country.

I’ve also spent a lot of time being cross at some points of view on women and leadership from some corners of ‘The Church’ where it is said that even out side of the church women should not take jobs that put them in charge of men.

I’ve had a bit of a journey in my own life on this, but a couple of incidents really stick out.

Having just started out in my role as a children’s evangelist, I was invited to go to a local church’s children’s outreach group - I assumed this was to do what I do! Apparently I  was only expected to tell I nice story….. Instead I did the whole gospel talk bit, presented in a way that was suitable to the age and stage of the non church children there. I was not aware that women are not allowed to do this - especially if there are men present. I was never invited back. At that time, I was also doing quite a few all age services, and the pastor of that church went to the minister’s get together and recommend that they don’t use me, mainly because I dared to share the gospel with men present. This hurt me a lot. I couldn’t get my head around it: I can tell a story, but I’m not allowed to explain to the children what it means? That didn’t make sense!

But the best was to come……

Since the age of 14 I had been helping on a camp for children with disabilities - a camp that shaped my life and where my passion for having an accessible church that is inclusive to any child began.

I had a couple of years out to do my nurses training and then returned. There was a new leadership team in place, which was fine. Circumstances came together in an unusual way: At the same time I started out as a children’s evangelist, the speaker on the camp stepped down. This coincided with my health beginning to fail meaning doing the one to one care was becoming difficult. I was invited to come as the person in charge of teaching the children. Wow! Everything I loved doing rolled up in one week. I really enjoyed finding ways of teaching the kids in a way they found accessible and fun.

Then one Sunday - a man walked into the meeting. This was a camp for KIDS, but people on holiday locally would come into to Sunday meeting because they thought it would be safe (Heaven forbid they went into a charismatic church by mistake whilst on holiday!!)

I had already raised child protection concerns on this - because of how vulnerable the children were, but what happened next came right out of left field.

The man (Someone I had been to school with - so it made it so much more painful) complained that he had been taught by a woman!! But…. This is a camp for kids said I, but to no avail. After that, the teaching was to be done by my husband  on the Sunday - just in case any men came in wanting a church service. I’d only just got married that year - and Steve found it both silly and maddening. So I prepared the teaching and Steve delivered it…. On the Sunday.

A couple of years later, one of the young leaders answered me back when I asked him to do some thing. I remember it as clearly as yesterday. He stopped reading his Oswald Chambers book “My Upmost For His Highest” and said “My dad says I don’t have to do what you say because you’re a women”. Each year it got more and more difficult, and I was afraid the children would start to be affected by the negative atmosphere. There were other women on the leadership team - but they weren’t teaching and were serving in the perceived correct way.

We eventually made the very difficult decision to leave the camp. We went to the next preparation meeting and explained that although it broke our hearts, we felt it was best for both the kids and the camp for us to step down. Steve had been the treasurer and handed over all the up to date accounts.

No one prayed with us, no one said thankyou. That night I walked away from that meeting sobbing -  after 20 years of serving these most precious kids I felt as though I had been thrown out like garbage….. Just because I was I woman.

God has brought out a lot of good from this situation though - that camp was, and STILL IS doing amazing work. People who go to it as leaders come back changed, and children hear and understand the gospel. And we have gone on to make a difference for many more children with disabilities and additional needs that we may not have done if we had stayed. Proof that God is above our theology debates.

Many years later, we still have people not comfortable with asking us to do all age services because of their position on women speaking. Some say yes, because I am under my husband’s authority. But some do actually recognise the gift that God has given me. 

I feel for my female colleagues - also gifted kids workers, who are told that they can’t do something because they are women. I feel even more angry when they are told that it would have been ok if they were married! Gender and marital status should have nothing to do with doing what God has called us to do.

I don’t speak and teach because I want to (I’m a shy introvert), I teach because God has compelled me to.

Additional Needs Alliance

Last weekend we had our first “Additional Needs Alliance” Forum.

It was a great success! Just over 50 people of like mind together in one room. 

The speakers were: Mark Arnold from Urban Saints. Me (Kay Morgan-Gurr) from Children Worldwide, and Paul Nash of the Paediatric Chaplaincy Network. There were others who came to help facilitate different areas of discussion.

The forum fed into the Children and Family Ministry conference (Hand in Hand), with the Friday night plenary being about “A Vision for Inclusivity” and an additional needs work seminar stream running throughout the weekend. This was also a great success.

What is the 'Additional Needs Alliance'?

The Alliance isn’t another organisation out to ‘get at’ churches. It’s primary aim isn’t campaigning but rather getting alongside people and churches to raise awareness in the area of working with children who have additional needs and disabilities. Ok, so some might see what we do as campaigning…..but that's just a side effect of our passion!

What we are aiming to do is start a conversation about how we care for children and families who are affected by the huge breadth of additional needs and disabilities out there. To raise a vision beyond just ‘catering’ for these children to creating a place where they and their families feel they belong and are wanted. We want churches to say yes to families who are so used to hearing ‘no’ when they ask if a church can cope with their child’s needs.

One of the things we have looked at is the vision for the spiritual walk of these children, their faith journey with God. We know they can have relationship with God - it may challenge how we view and understand faith, but we know that God understands and the power of the Holy Spirit works beyond our understanding. We believe the faith journey of these children should be a fundamental part of our vision.

1 in 5 children in this country having some form of additional need or disability, and it is obvious this number is not reflected in our churches.

There are small pockets of excellent work out there, usually stemming from people already in our church communities having children with additional needs. It’s a great place to start - but we can also see a much bigger missional picture.

Many people, when looking at this area often only see those children with ADHD, Autistic Spectrum disorders and dyspraxia, and although these are important, those with other conditions and disabilities are often forgotten. We want to raise awareness in ALL areas of additional needs and disabilities and make sure our churches are open and accessible. A safe place where they can belong.

What can you do?

You can join the conversation and spread it - Gossip this stuff around - Kids with additional needs and disabilities matter!

We have a facebook group  a twitter account (@A_N_All) and an email address (On the flier to stop spammers getting hold of it!)

We are planning more forums - join the facebook group or contact us for more dates.

Link to a copy of the flier below here

*This is a Children Matter! initiative. Currently run by an Urban Saints and Children Worldwide partnership

Euthanasia for Children

Last December, history was made in Brussels.

Twin brothers opted to be euthanized together.

The two men, 45, from the Antwerp region were both born deaf and sought euthanasia after finding that they would also soon go blind.

It’s not just the fact that they were twins. The Telegraph said that “The case is unusual because neither of the men was terminally ill nor suffering physical pain.”

The paper then went on to report that  “Just days after the twins were killed by doctors, Belgium's ruling Socialists tabled a new legal amendment that will allow the euthanasia of children and Alzheimer's sufferers.” (You can read the full article here)

The rules in Brussels currently state that euthanasia can go ahead if “the person wishing to end their life is able to make their wishes clear and a doctor judges that they are suffering unbearable pain”.

After this news, there will be many Christians reaching for their pens to write to their MEPs. That’s good. But can I put something else to you.

If we as Christians are going to complain and attempt to make euthanasia illegal - especially when it comes to children with disabilities, we also need to look at helping to provide a viable alternative - or at least try to understand why people find this to be the only alternative to living with illness and pain.

These Issues Are Not Always Cut And Dried

Look at this from the point of view of a young person with disabilities. 

This is what they often see ahead of them:

• They see adults with disabilities having all financial help withdrawn because of cuts in disability allowances feeling that the only way out is suicide.
• They see older friends struggling with inadequate provision of care, where the carer due to come and help them doesn’t even turn up, or if they do turn up, barely having time to help get them up. 
• They see friends who have opted for supported living accommodation being abused or not adequately cared for.
• Some can’t see themselves having an amazing future, getting married or having kids of their own. 
• Some can’t see themselves getting jobs - especially since much of the support that used to be supplied to help them in the work place has been removed in this latest round of cuts.
• They read comments from high profile people making comments about “aborting babies with defects”.
• If they know they are going to need care into adulthood, the prospects can look bleak. They don’t see that for some it works out - because for the majority it doesn’t.

All of this can compound the feeling that they are a drain on society and have no right to be alive.

The Natural Next Step?

Can you see why they might take up the option of euthanasia? Surely it's the next logical step?

In health care, children are already allowed to make informed choices about their own care - and that is good. Why is it so unbelievable that the natural next step would be opting for euthanasia?

The Reality

Let’s look at it from another angle. 

For some babies who are born with such severe issues that they cannot live for many weeks without invasive care, and then in considerable pain, it is not unusual for only palliative care to be given. 

This decision is reached along side parents and isn’t the default position on care. When is it decided to treat them, the baby only usually lives a matter of weeks longer and often in a lot of discomfort. I have been a nurse caring for babies in both situations and both are agony for the parents.

If you want to take your campaigning to the extreme - you have to consider these situations too. What support can we give in both cases?

As a nurse I looked after a youngster from birth to death. Just over a year. Her issues were severe and her parents decided they couldn’t cope and put her up for adoption. She never got out of hospital. She was assigned foster parents, but fostering a child who is permanently in hospital never works.

Her life was all about keeping her alive at all costs, even though it was agony for her. Eventually - after much talk, it was decided to give only basic care (Nutrition and cuddles). Her first smile was in my arms as she passed peacefully away, free of needles and uncomfortable plastic oxygen head boxes. Was that wrong? If you think it was - please go and hold a child in obvious pain 24/7 because we insist on keeping them alive….just because we can. Can you, as a Christian provide the extra support needed if this course of action wasn't taken?

I am against euthanasia, but if if you are going to campaign on the right to life….. We need to consider these things too. 

Campaign by all means, but be careful. 

Consider all the options and remember - we also need to provide an alternative. Our churches need to be up to the task of helping practically and providing the much needed pastoral support too.

"Thankyou Jesus You're My Friend" Amazing Stories Series (#1)

Around 20 years ago at a  large event, I was charged with looking after a 9 year old boy who had Down’s syndrome - he was what we affectionately call a “runner”. He would have given Houdini a run for his money in the various ways he could find to try and escape! This was in the days before children’s groups had specialists on their teams, so it was rare to be given a role like this. I was given the role because the leader of the team knew of my training and vision.  

Because I was also a musician I had to sing/play in the band. This meant I had to leave my young charge by the OHP (That dates this story!!) with another team member, where he would help with the song words.

Looking from the outside, it appeared he had no interaction with the spiritual side of the programme at all, and very little with the rest of the programme. It was hard work!

We used a lot of makaton signs as actions for songs, but this young lad would not sing or sign for the whole week….. That was, until the last day. On the last morning, with a big grin on his face he signed “Thankyou Jesus, You’re my friend” along with the song we were singing.

For all his appearance of not engaging, he had taken a profound message on board.

There were other positive things that came out of this: That particular team decided to make additional needs carers a permanent position on their teams. I also wrote to the head of the event - it was a very ‘frank’ letter about the need for looking at better additional needs provision within the children and youth programmes. I didn’t expect to get a reply - but I did. And year on year the additional needs provision grew and improved to the excellent work they do today. 

I’m pretty sure that other’s wrote letters about this too, so the change wan’t just down to me…… but I am blessed by the fact that I am now the disability and additional needs advisor for that same festival. 

This is just one story of one child who has made a difference. He doesn't know it, and I doubt his family do either.

Over the next few days I hope to post a few more encouraging stories about working with children who have additional needs. I have so many to choose from.....!

The Story Behind the Forum

On 1^st February there will be a forum for any one who works with, or has an interest in, children who have additional needs and their families. (Details Here - Book Here)

Anyone who knows me knows I am passionate about facilitating children who have additional needs.  I want to make a difference. I want things to change. The thing is - I’m getting impatient and I want things to change more quickly.

I want people to catch the vision. Not a vision for tackling a problem but a vision for facilitating children who have additional needs to find faith, to grow in faith and be all that God has created them to be. 

And I’m impatient for more people to catch that vision and spread it.

I have story upon story of faith from children who have additional needs, I have stories of parents in tears because of the gratitude they feel when people ‘get it’. I have the written vision of a parent who wants their child who is severely autistic to walk with God and serve Him - a powerful missive!

Yep - I’m passionate about this….

It all started when I was 14 years old and helped on a camp for children who had physical disabilities. It was run by the church I attended at the time and children were turning to God. But - it was difficult to link them to churches local to them as those churches just couldn’t cope.

It also occurred to me at that time that when you looked at how many children had an additional need in our communities, it was obvious that this was not reflected in our churches and ‘The Church’ was poorer as a result. It is still the same today over 30 years later.

From that point on I knew what I had to do, I trained as a nurse and specialised in caring for children who have additional needs of every variety. There was an urgency to what we were doing on the camp I helped on as a teenager, as many of the children had a very short life span. Later, as a nurse I had the ‘privilege’ of being with some of them as they went to meet their creator - sad for me, but what was more troubling was those children we just couldn’t reach in time. 

I’ve held too many dying children for me to just sit back and do nothing.

21 years ago…. God called me to be a Children’s evangelist, and He left in my heart that burning desire to do something.

Whilst there are pockets of excellent work with these children and lots of organisations doing bits and pieces, it still isn’t enough. I still hear stories of children and their families turned away from churches, I still hear of evangelism policies and plans that don’t include intentional outreach to children with additional needs. I hear of schools work set up, but no one even thinking of going into the ‘special’ schools. I still hear of children treated as a problem rather that God’s creation. These children are in our communities, are in our schools and have families who are often in crisis with no help in sight.

I want that to change. 

This year the damn finally burst. At the Children Matter forum in May I poured my heart out about this. I wanted to pull together every one who would listen so we could do something. I want the best for these children!

Are you with me?

Well that’s why we are organising this forum. We want to start a conversation that will begin a process of change, not just for the children but for their families too. Yes, there are people out there doing some great stuff but we need to be talking together and working together to achieve even more…..to spread the word and make a bigger impact.

When Children Don't Want Jesus In Their Heart Any More

We adults have our own view of all things theological, we like to get it sorted in our heads and pass on what we think to the children. Sometimes we’ve wrestled with it ourselves, and sometimes we have just accepted what the previous generation told us - because we have never been required to test it for ourselves. Sometimes we forget to let the children wrestle with it for themselves, to ask questions - and not be afraid to ask them.

Many people are shocked when children question, as though we think they are rejecting all the wisdom we have passed on because of their questioning. But questioning is healthy. It helps a child to own their faith and grow in it as they journey, rather than getting to university and thinking “So why do I believe this….?”

I’ve written on the subject of how children view suffering and God before, and had a lot of theology thrown at me as a result. There were lot’s of different views, some of the readers rather surprised that I needed this subject explaining to me and set about trying to ‘correct’ my theology. I didn’t need it explaining or correcting - I never said I did. What I did question was how we help children who are suffering, as I felt they needed it explaining rather better than we do! I felt we should’t be saying  “this is the answer - lump it”, but rather - “these are different ways of looking at it” and giving space and permission for anger and grief, a place for asking questions of both us and God.

Last time I wrote on this I talked of how I have had angry conversations with God about things and I got responses from readers along the lines of “Until I accept that these things are God will...then…. etc, etc” I was cross with these responses - and I have a firm faith. So just think how a questioning child would feel with this response?!

I have seen the faith of too many children smashed to pieces because of poorly thought through theology pressed on the child when they are not in a place to hear it. To tell a child who has just lost their mother that they should be happy for their mother - because they are in heaven is crass beyond words….. but I’ve heard it said! The same child was told within days of losing her, that their mother’s death was God’s will. Ok - that might be your theology, but please don’t say it to a child who’s mother died in a car crash days before.

During my first year as a children’s evangelist I had a 7 year old girl in a small group. She was a Christian, but struggling with coming to terms with some horrible stuff happening in her life. I will never forget her screaming at me, whilst grabbing at her chest repeatedly; “I don’t want God in my heart any more, I hate Him, I hate Him, He doesn’t work”

Sometimes there comes a time when we have to stop trying to explain God’s reasoning (Only God knows that!) and just hold the child and cry with them….. And not be afraid to admit that we just don’t understand. That’s what I did.

After I have cried with them and allowed them to shout - I don’t try to explain God…. Or make excuses for Him - that’s not for me to do. What I can do is help them to hold on to God in the middle of their crisis. I will talk theology (What God thinks about it) when they are ready - and want to talk about.

What I want for them is to find God in the depths of the pain, to give them the resources to eventually allow God to redeem the situation, to hold them and to comfort them. Before we can say anything else, they need to know more than anything that God still loves them - even in the depths of their despair and angry questions - they are within that love. 

Think of the song ‘Father God I Wonder’. I love that song - but have you ever tried to sing the chorus from the middle of a deep crisis? When the last thing we want to do is ‘Sing God’s praises’? It’s difficult to do - especially when told that this is “God’s Will”. But it seems we expect kids to happily do this.

With older kids, and this song in mind I have sometimes talked through the occasions I have sung it, not wanting to praise God, and yet at the same time - determined to praise Him, just because I am still aware of God’s love. The gritted teeth, hands clenched, tears streaming down your cheeks version where you sing “I WILL sing your praises”. This is usually called a ‘sacrifice of praise’ and it’s not easy, but it is often the first step to allowing God into the grief and the pain.

It’s good to share your story - not to say that you understand, because you can’t…. They are not you. Tell it to say “You are not alone, you can talk to me”.

I am not a professional counselor - but like many of those who work with children, I am often the first contact for a child in crisis. I will always suggest counseling to parents, but I am also aware that my initial response to the child is key to gaining their trust for the future.

You’ve probably guessed where my theology on suffering sits :o) Your theology may sit in a different place, and that’s fine by me. 

The purpose of this blog post is not to compare theology or war scars - it’s to fight for the faith of the children I love and serve.

Are We Inspiring a Generation?

For the first time ever, the catch phrase for the Olympics and the Paralympics is the same: “Inspire a Generation”. It’s a good phrase!

All over the world, the younger generation are being inspired by positive role models who are competing in the Olympics, and the same will happen when it comes to the Paralympics. The torch is being passed on to the next generation. (I loved that bit of the opening ceremony!)

I hope that all of this rising generation will be inspired by both events. That not just disabled youngsters but also able bodied youngsters will be inspired by the Paralympics.

But what about us as a ‘Church’? 

Are we inspiring a generation? Any generation?

For all the children and young people in our churches, disabled or not, additional need or not, are we inspiring them to go forward in their faith? Are we giving good role models for them? Are we inspiring an older generation of people who have disabilities to go forward with God? Do we even have a vision for this?

How do we see those with disabilities and additional needs and are they even on the Church’s radar? Sadly, for most churches they are not. When you look at the figures of how many people there are with disabilities in our communities, it is easy to see that our churches do not reflect those figures….. And it’s not because they all get healed!

When the world is watching the abilities of the Paralympians rather than their disabilities and applauding their achievements, how is ‘the Church’ viewing those with disabilities in their communities? Are they seen as people who can be giants of faith, able to serve as well as receive? Or is it a case of a perplexed “what disabled people….?”

I’ve been speaking out for children who have disabilities and additional needs for over 20 years, and in the area of children - inspired by a generation of children’s workers, things are happening. More and more churches are trying to include youngsters with disabilities and additional needs. For these people I am extremely grateful -  they truly are inspiring a generation of children with disabilities and additional needs and building them up in their faith. But what happens as our children grow up? Do we have the same heart and vision in our youth and adult programmes?

Maybe as these children grow, the Church will sit up and realise that something needs to be done, to see that working with these young people and adults is a valid ministry. I believe that our churches need to be ready to welcome those with disabilities rather than being surprised when they come. I want those with leadership responsibilities to look at this issue properly rather than skip over info and posts about disability.... as seems to be the norm! (Apologies for my outspoken moment there - but that is how it feels to many people who have disabilities and try to access our churches)

Why not raise awareness about this in our churches now? With the Paralympics, the idea of disability will be high in people’s minds. And this is the thinking behind moving “Disability Sunday” to just after the event.

Have a look here for a ‘Disability Sunday’ pack, and look at inspiring your church to be a Gold medal holder for accessibility.... on all levels.... in all generations.

Recruiting to a vision

Special Needs, additional needs, disabilities, difficulties - what ever you call it, the issue in a lot of our churches is the same, and many children and youth workers up and down the country are struggling with it. 

We see the problem, and all the surrounding issues and feel that gut response of “How on earth am I going to cope with that?” All the work of doing week by week youth ministry is hard enough to cope with without this!

There is often an expectation for our volunteers to deliver a level of inclusion that even the most experienced specialist in the area of additional needs would struggle to do outside the church setting, and when it doesn’t work we get disillusioned. 

To practice a good level of inclusion is a week by week process, and how it works out in practice will be different for every child. Some will settle in with all the other kids, some won’t. Some will need a mix of time in the group and time alone. Whatever we plan could change at a moments notice and we need lots of flexibility.

To agree to help a child with learning difficulties in our Sunday children’s work at age five is one thing, but to transition them through our children and youth work and into adult worship is something completely different. It is a long term commitment that needs determination, love, wisdom and vision, and is a decision not to be taken lightly - it will be hard work.

Doesn’t that sound awful! 

Ok, let’s begin with another way of looking at this? Let’s move our eyes away from the problem we perceive and onto the gift we can give. On to a vision of what God can do, not only in the lives of the children and young people, but in our own lives as we seek to serve them. 

Don’t misunderstand me here - we need to look at practicalities, how to make the provision we give work. We need to make sure our volunteers are trained and ready too. But if our starting point is the problem and not God, where is our vision coming from? God needs to be central in the vision - for all we do, and especially in the work we do with these precious youngsters

You will no doubt be familiar the following statement: “Mum has asked if Fred can come to club…. Have you seen Fred?! He can’t sit still, he hates the noise and he’s totally disruptive. He’s always putting the other kids off! We need a one to one for him”. After that comes the conversation with a possible one to one buddy: “We have this child who is a problem. He’s totally disruptive in his class. Would you mind helping us out?”  This is what I call “recruiting to a problem”.

Wouldn’t it be better to say “We have a young person who is struggling with club at the moment. We want him to have a positive experience and want to find ways of helping him connect with God and be all that God wants him to be. Would you help us?” This is “recruiting to a vision”

What do I see when I look at a child with autism? Or severe ADHD? Do I see a problem to be solved or a child, made by God, who deserves to be loved and nurtured? Do I have a passion for seeing God work in their lives?

One of our Trustees was telling the story of a friend last week, who got to the point of saying to God “I don’t know what to do!” And God responded with “I know - watch me!”

It was different circumstances, but the lesson is the same.

Even before we start planning - should we be saying “Lord I don’t know what to do! Guide me!”

We need a vision and a passion for these children. It won’t be one vision and one plan for life - it will change and will be constantly moving with the young person. It isn’t a one size fits all - it’s a different long term vision and a different plan for every young person and every family.

The over-riding and central vision will be the same - That they would know and love God, that they would be all that God wants them to be, that they would be filled with the Spirit and serve God with all their heart, mind and soul….. I could go on! But there will be things God lays on your heart for a specific child that goes beyond the basic vision you have for all the kids.

May your vision and your passion increase as you continue to serve God and the youngsters in your care.

Some tips:

Don’t do it yourself if you are the key youth worker - appoint someone whose sole responsibility is ‘Inclusion’. Someone with experience, who is passionate…. and has a vision.

Recruit team to a vision, not a problem.

Be realistic about what you can achieve

Work with the young persons family to achieve the best for them

Remember that what works one week, might not work next week