A Cold & Broken Hallelujah

I’ve thought long and hard about writing this blog post.

It’s a vulnerable one…. and I hate being vulnerable.

But it keeps screaming at me to be written, and this is my third attempt at writing it!

It stems from a seminar that Steve and myself did at Spring Harvest called “Coping With the Onset of Disability”. I wasn't totally sure about doing it, but as I've quoted in another post - God appeared to think it was a good thing!

Stolen Dignity

Dignity: “The state or quality of being worthy of honour or respect.”

We use the word dignity in many ways, and as a result its real meaning has been eroded a lot over the years. 

I'm often described as dignified - but by that most people mean I don't complain much (they don't know me very well!)

Euthanasia for Children

Last December, history was made in Brussels.

Twin brothers opted to be euthanized together.

The two men, 45, from the Antwerp region were both born deaf and sought euthanasia after finding that they would also soon go blind.

It’s not just the fact that they were twins. The Telegraph said that “The case is unusual because neither of the men was terminally ill nor suffering physical pain.”

The paper then went on to report that  “Just days after the twins were killed by doctors, Belgium's ruling Socialists tabled a new legal amendment that will allow the euthanasia of children and Alzheimer's sufferers.” (You can read the full article here)

The rules in Brussels currently state that euthanasia can go ahead if “the person wishing to end their life is able to make their wishes clear and a doctor judges that they are suffering unbearable pain”.

After this news, there will be many Christians reaching for their pens to write to their MEPs. That’s good. But can I put something else to you.

If we as Christians are going to complain and attempt to make euthanasia illegal - especially when it comes to children with disabilities, we also need to look at helping to provide a viable alternative - or at least try to understand why people find this to be the only alternative to living with illness and pain.

These Issues Are Not Always Cut And Dried

Look at this from the point of view of a young person with disabilities. 

This is what they often see ahead of them:

• They see adults with disabilities having all financial help withdrawn because of cuts in disability allowances feeling that the only way out is suicide.
• They see older friends struggling with inadequate provision of care, where the carer due to come and help them doesn’t even turn up, or if they do turn up, barely having time to help get them up. 
• They see friends who have opted for supported living accommodation being abused or not adequately cared for.
• Some can’t see themselves having an amazing future, getting married or having kids of their own. 
• Some can’t see themselves getting jobs - especially since much of the support that used to be supplied to help them in the work place has been removed in this latest round of cuts.
• They read comments from high profile people making comments about “aborting babies with defects”.
• If they know they are going to need care into adulthood, the prospects can look bleak. They don’t see that for some it works out - because for the majority it doesn’t.

All of this can compound the feeling that they are a drain on society and have no right to be alive.

The Natural Next Step?

Can you see why they might take up the option of euthanasia? Surely it's the next logical step?

In health care, children are already allowed to make informed choices about their own care - and that is good. Why is it so unbelievable that the natural next step would be opting for euthanasia?

The Reality

Let’s look at it from another angle. 

For some babies who are born with such severe issues that they cannot live for many weeks without invasive care, and then in considerable pain, it is not unusual for only palliative care to be given. 

This decision is reached along side parents and isn’t the default position on care. When is it decided to treat them, the baby only usually lives a matter of weeks longer and often in a lot of discomfort. I have been a nurse caring for babies in both situations and both are agony for the parents.

If you want to take your campaigning to the extreme - you have to consider these situations too. What support can we give in both cases?

As a nurse I looked after a youngster from birth to death. Just over a year. Her issues were severe and her parents decided they couldn’t cope and put her up for adoption. She never got out of hospital. She was assigned foster parents, but fostering a child who is permanently in hospital never works.

Her life was all about keeping her alive at all costs, even though it was agony for her. Eventually - after much talk, it was decided to give only basic care (Nutrition and cuddles). Her first smile was in my arms as she passed peacefully away, free of needles and uncomfortable plastic oxygen head boxes. Was that wrong? If you think it was - please go and hold a child in obvious pain 24/7 because we insist on keeping them alive….just because we can. Can you, as a Christian provide the extra support needed if this course of action wasn't taken?

I am against euthanasia, but if if you are going to campaign on the right to life….. We need to consider these things too. 

Campaign by all means, but be careful. 

Consider all the options and remember - we also need to provide an alternative. Our churches need to be up to the task of helping practically and providing the much needed pastoral support too.

The Story Behind the Forum

On 1^st February there will be a forum for any one who works with, or has an interest in, children who have additional needs and their families. (Details Here - Book Here)

Anyone who knows me knows I am passionate about facilitating children who have additional needs.  I want to make a difference. I want things to change. The thing is - I’m getting impatient and I want things to change more quickly.

I want people to catch the vision. Not a vision for tackling a problem but a vision for facilitating children who have additional needs to find faith, to grow in faith and be all that God has created them to be. 

And I’m impatient for more people to catch that vision and spread it.

I have story upon story of faith from children who have additional needs, I have stories of parents in tears because of the gratitude they feel when people ‘get it’. I have the written vision of a parent who wants their child who is severely autistic to walk with God and serve Him - a powerful missive!

Yep - I’m passionate about this….

It all started when I was 14 years old and helped on a camp for children who had physical disabilities. It was run by the church I attended at the time and children were turning to God. But - it was difficult to link them to churches local to them as those churches just couldn’t cope.

It also occurred to me at that time that when you looked at how many children had an additional need in our communities, it was obvious that this was not reflected in our churches and ‘The Church’ was poorer as a result. It is still the same today over 30 years later.

From that point on I knew what I had to do, I trained as a nurse and specialised in caring for children who have additional needs of every variety. There was an urgency to what we were doing on the camp I helped on as a teenager, as many of the children had a very short life span. Later, as a nurse I had the ‘privilege’ of being with some of them as they went to meet their creator - sad for me, but what was more troubling was those children we just couldn’t reach in time. 

I’ve held too many dying children for me to just sit back and do nothing.

21 years ago…. God called me to be a Children’s evangelist, and He left in my heart that burning desire to do something.

Whilst there are pockets of excellent work with these children and lots of organisations doing bits and pieces, it still isn’t enough. I still hear stories of children and their families turned away from churches, I still hear of evangelism policies and plans that don’t include intentional outreach to children with additional needs. I hear of schools work set up, but no one even thinking of going into the ‘special’ schools. I still hear of children treated as a problem rather that God’s creation. These children are in our communities, are in our schools and have families who are often in crisis with no help in sight.

I want that to change. 

This year the damn finally burst. At the Children Matter forum in May I poured my heart out about this. I wanted to pull together every one who would listen so we could do something. I want the best for these children!

Are you with me?

Well that’s why we are organising this forum. We want to start a conversation that will begin a process of change, not just for the children but for their families too. Yes, there are people out there doing some great stuff but we need to be talking together and working together to achieve even more…..to spread the word and make a bigger impact.

The church, Savile and Child Protection

The newspapers, TV and social media have been alive with information about Jimmy Savile. We all agree it’s terrible, and we’re all wondering how he managed to get away with so much for so long. 

In the early days of this news breaking some people pontificated about why the “Alleged Victims” waited until after he was dead - that comment on it’s own shows how many people just don’t understand the issues facing those who have been abused by a high profile person (Will I be believed? They are so powerful, I’ve been threatened etc). 

As it turns out, a few of his victims did speak up - but sadly, for many reasons, nothing was done.

But I’m not writing here about the failings of all those involved in this, people and policies that should have kept so many young people safe. I want to talk about how “The Church” is going to respond to it.

The temptation is to shake our heads sadly and assume it only happens “out there” and not in our nice comfortable churches.

I commented on social media last week that ‘The Church’ in this nation should “...sit up, listen, take note and learn. Most importantly... Act.”

By act I mean three things: 

1. Act - have a safeguarding policy, it will go a long way to preventing abuse. 
2. Act - If someone makes an allegation, do something about it. Your safeguarding policy will tell you what to do. 

3. Act - If you have a survivor of abuse in your church family, support them. If you don’t  know how, then get some training.

I want the church in this nation to learn from the mistakes behind the whole Savile saga.. 

It’s wrong to think it wouldn’t happen in a loving church community - it can. To think that is wrong. Sadly, I know all too well how people in leadership in churches can ‘get away with it’ and how the victims can be left feeling they have no voice. I know survivors...and those who didn’t survive.

NEVER say NEVER! 

It could even happen in a church with a very good safeguarding policy - CRB checks are good, but not foolproof. We always need to be on our guard. I’m not saying we should view everyone with suspicion before we’ve even welcomed a child into our churches - that would be wrong. What I AM saying is - be aware and be ready - just in case.

Church - please listen. 

Make sure you have an up to date safe guarding policy, and then make sure you use it. Don’t just leave it on the shelf gathering dust. 

Make sure everyone in your church knows about it. Do safeguarding training regularly for those involved at any level with children and young people.

Inform the parents of children who attend your clubs that you have a policy - put a statement about it in all your information.

Display the child line phone number at child eye height in your church buildings, and if any one says you should’t do this because it encourages false allegations - ignore them. I’d rather see the complainer ignored than a child who has been abused. (Aside from that - it’s just not true)

As well as the usual checks, use supervision as one of your main safeguarding tools.

Have a clear and simple whistle blowing policy

Don’t brush things under the carpet - shine God’s light on stuff and act (Whilst still maintaining confidentiality for the child/young person) 

Don’t use this as an excuse NOT to do children’s work or youth work. If it stops your children and youth work - you’re doing something wrong.

If you know nothing about safeguarding, have never heard of child protection but want to do do something - contact the professionals for help - they’ll be happy to help you.

I’ll say it again:  Church, please...sit up, listen, take note and learn. Most importantly... Act.

Are We Inspiring a Generation?

For the first time ever, the catch phrase for the Olympics and the Paralympics is the same: “Inspire a Generation”. It’s a good phrase!

All over the world, the younger generation are being inspired by positive role models who are competing in the Olympics, and the same will happen when it comes to the Paralympics. The torch is being passed on to the next generation. (I loved that bit of the opening ceremony!)

I hope that all of this rising generation will be inspired by both events. That not just disabled youngsters but also able bodied youngsters will be inspired by the Paralympics.

But what about us as a ‘Church’? 

Are we inspiring a generation? Any generation?

For all the children and young people in our churches, disabled or not, additional need or not, are we inspiring them to go forward in their faith? Are we giving good role models for them? Are we inspiring an older generation of people who have disabilities to go forward with God? Do we even have a vision for this?

How do we see those with disabilities and additional needs and are they even on the Church’s radar? Sadly, for most churches they are not. When you look at the figures of how many people there are with disabilities in our communities, it is easy to see that our churches do not reflect those figures….. And it’s not because they all get healed!

When the world is watching the abilities of the Paralympians rather than their disabilities and applauding their achievements, how is ‘the Church’ viewing those with disabilities in their communities? Are they seen as people who can be giants of faith, able to serve as well as receive? Or is it a case of a perplexed “what disabled people….?”

I’ve been speaking out for children who have disabilities and additional needs for over 20 years, and in the area of children - inspired by a generation of children’s workers, things are happening. More and more churches are trying to include youngsters with disabilities and additional needs. For these people I am extremely grateful -  they truly are inspiring a generation of children with disabilities and additional needs and building them up in their faith. But what happens as our children grow up? Do we have the same heart and vision in our youth and adult programmes?

Maybe as these children grow, the Church will sit up and realise that something needs to be done, to see that working with these young people and adults is a valid ministry. I believe that our churches need to be ready to welcome those with disabilities rather than being surprised when they come. I want those with leadership responsibilities to look at this issue properly rather than skip over info and posts about disability.... as seems to be the norm! (Apologies for my outspoken moment there - but that is how it feels to many people who have disabilities and try to access our churches)

Why not raise awareness about this in our churches now? With the Paralympics, the idea of disability will be high in people’s minds. And this is the thinking behind moving “Disability Sunday” to just after the event.

Have a look here for a ‘Disability Sunday’ pack, and look at inspiring your church to be a Gold medal holder for accessibility.... on all levels.... in all generations.

It Takes A Whole Church to Raise A Child

Yesterday I attended the Evangelical Alliance's council meeting, along with various others who have an interest or expertise in children's ministry. There were many excellent speakers too, who spoke with passion about their given subjects. Together, we were looking at the subject "It Takes A Whole Church to Raise A Child". (Do read Krish Kandiah's excellent article in Youthwork Magazine here, or get a copy of Christianity Magazine) If you are a twitterer, search for the hash tag #wholechurch where you should find lots of quotes from the speakers. Although, if my fellow attendees were like me, they were too busy listening and discussing to tweet, and not wanting to miss anything!

This is not a summary of the whole day - that would take a lot of blog entries! This is just about the part I had the privilege to play in the day.

As part of this, I was asked to prepare a 5 minute slot answering the question "Is Church Toxic to Our Children's Faith". Before any one complains that five minutes wasn't enough, I need to explain that this five minutes was to set the scene for further discussion - it wasn't a talk in it's own right as that wasn't what was needed. (It was also a good discipline for me to hone what I said and make every word count!)

As promised, this is a summary of what I said (Not word for word!):

Is church toxic to a child's faith? It was to people in my family, and that toxicity has gone on to affect them for many years. But I feel at this point, I should point that not every church is toxic to a child's faith.

Yes I do believe church can sometimes be toxic to children's faith!

Toxicity is often due to a combination of substances rather than just one, and in much the same way, I believe the problem of church being toxic to a child's faith is down to a combination of factors - but it's not always the same mix.

There will be a different recipe of toxins for each individual child - something that affects one child may not affect another and vice versa. But within that mix, that recipe, I believe there are a five constants - things that will affect the majority of children. 

They are:

• A lack of acceptance of and grace towards children in being fully part of the church, now, this minute. (It's not a case of waiting until children are 18)
• A lack of opportunities for children to serve
• A lack of a safe space for children to make mistakes and learn from them - as they serve, as they take their place in the church, whilst still being children (and we have to remember that they are still children and will be child like!)
• A lack of vision - for both the child and the children's work.... Or even the wrong vision (how we see it/how we wanted it to be for us), rather than allowing God to put His vision into the work we do.
• A lack of solid theology, taught in a child friendly way that takes into account the age and stage of the child;   We often either give the children a twee theology  (Tweeology) that only gives milk and no meat (wrongly assuming they can't manage meat), and  doesn't stand up to the rough and tumble of school life, or we give a thuggish theology that gives so many rules that a child just cannot live up to them. All of this, when actually, we should be giving meat, cut up into child sized pieces - the right size for their stage of the faith journey.

We also have children with additional needs to think about, where the above toxins can be amplified/made more toxic just because many question their ability to have faith - but that's a whole new topic on it's own. These children can also have faith.

But - there is an antidote to the toxicity! (because I can't help putting a positive point in!)

ACCEPTANCE , LOVE, GUIDANCE and  SIGNIFICANCE

In the discussion that followed - both in small groups and as a larger group it was said "that's the same for anyone walking into our churches". Yes - that's absolutely right! In this whole discussion, what we are talking about is 'community and family'. Not a group of children along side a group of adults, but integrated community.

Other comments and questions that came out of this section of the day we're numerous and helpful, including comments on how busy children are with their various activities and the difficulty of finding a night that churches can run clubs and activities.

It was also good to receive a question on the use of social media with children - something I may well blog on sometime on the future (including making it work from a safeguarding point of view). I do see a value in using social media in  the right context. Youngsters who often won't open up and discuss what is bothering them will often publish it to the world of Facebook. It's a good way to find out what interests them and what matters to them, and then use that 'social media relationship' to build community with them within the church. To be able to ask a young person how an activity they mentioned on Facebook went, can add value and significance to a relationship. 

We shouldn't be 'about' getting bottoms on seats on a Sunday morning, what we should be 'about' is building family and making our children feel valued and significant. That value shouldn't be based on how many times a child can make it to our activities - it should be based on the fact that our children are valued by and significant to God.

There was one thing that occurred to me whilst preparing for this (probably due to my dyslexia), and although I had it in my notes, I didn't have time to say it and 'unpack' it:

 It takes a whole church to raise a child, but could it be said - it takes a "whole" child to raise a church?

I'll probably blog some more on what some of the other contributors said at a later date, but I think my favourite quote of the day came from David Niblock (Abundant Life Church, Bradford): "Don't put a lid on your children"

Church - God's Brilliant Idea #2

Church is God's brilliant idea - but "The Church" is much more than just me or you. Church is made up of lots of people, and all play a vital part. This includes children - yes... Children!

Many times I hear the comment "The children are the church of tomorrow". In part - this is true, but I would argue that they are also a part of the church today, a part of the Church now - this very minute. They don't suddenly become part of the church when they turn 18.

A lot of what I want to say on this subject has already been eloquently written and discussed on Krish Kandiah's blog:
It takes a whole church… | krish kandiah  and A Lost Generation? | krish kandiah

Do read these - and the many comments that have been left in response - they make enlightening reading!

Tomorrow, I will be in London with many of my friends and colleagues in children's work, meeting with the Evangelical Alliance council to discuss the exodus of young people from the church. I will be debating the question "Is church toxic to our children's faith?"
I'll publish my comments on it in a separate blog later - where I will comment more on the subject "God's Brilliant Idea Actually includes children".

Meanwhile - do pray for the meeting tomorrow, for discussion on the day, and ongoing discussions afterwards. Please pray that the day will have a lasting impact on children's work and the way "The Church" views and accepts children in the future.

Who Choses Who Can Serve?

I was talking to the parent of a child who is diagnosed as on the autistic spectrum a few weeks ago. I asked her what her hopes and dreams were for him. One of the things she highlighted was “being given the opportunity to serve”. This particular little boy is very intelligent, has an amazing understanding of theology, and can explain it. And in a way that probably only he and God can understand, he has a real faith.

It does seem that in our churches, children are rarely given the opportunity to serve their church families – but for those who have a disability or additional need, the chance to serve is even rarer.

The mum I was talking to said that she would love to see her little boy’s Sunday teachers give him the opportunity to give out the biscuits, pour the squash, put away the chairs. Yes, he would need a little help, but it would do his self esteem a lot of good.

Another parent I spoke to was the mum of a teenager, also diagnosed as on the autistic spectrum. She thought a little differently. He was struggling to maintain his faith journey. He had a good understanding of his Bible, but needed fellowship. It was a much longer conversation, but it ended up with me suggesting he would be able to not only attend a bible study designed for those with his special needs, but he was more than capable of leading it himself. This idea was obviously a step too far for his mum. But why?

Who decides who can serve in our church families? I myself have a disability, and will rarely say how things are for me. This is because I know there will be someone who will wrongly assume that I am unable to continue my ministry because of it. This is obviously NOT the case. The only thing that sometimes stands in my way are issues of physical access.

Churches are doing better when it comes to ramps, accessible toilets, and lifts. But another ‘step’ to accessibility could be giving both children and grown ups who have disabilities or additional needs the chance to serve. Yes it’s scary, but it will also be a blessing.