New post on the new blog

Just in case you haven't spotted this blog has moved - there's a new post over on Pondering Platypus.

This site will still be in use occasionally, but more for personal updates.

A New Season and a New Blog

So, a new season begins!

And along with it - a new blog space.

I'll now be blogging over at "Pondering platypus", a new site I've built using wix. I went for wix just because it's more accessible for me, and I can make everything on it more accessible for my readers.

But that's not the only reason for the change...

This is a brand new season for me, and I wanted a fresh start on many levels.

I also wanted to shake off some labels.

I've become known only for the work I do for and with those who have additional needs and disabilities... and yet I do a whole lot more than that. The additional needs and disability work probably only makes up 20 - 30% of my time. It is my passion to see proper inclusion and belonging, but I am also passionate about all things to do with children and families.

When I'm asked to write or speak - it tends to be only about additional needs.

I sometimes wonder if this is because I am myself disabled and people assume that this is all I fight for and am passionate about.

Like any other disabled person, I have other passions and interests, and also like other disabled people, I dislike being put into a box labeled "disabled speaker". ( I also suffer from the assumption I can't speak due to my disability, and the idea it would be too difficult to accommodate a disabled speaker - but that's a whole different problem!)

I am passionate about additional needs because in my history I saw poor inclusion and wanted to do something about it. I saw that kids with additional needs were rarely seen as able to have a lifelong relationship with God and I wanted to teach folk how to remedy that. That passion DIDN'T come from being disabled, it came from seeing a need and wanting to meet it. I wasn't disabled then.

Note that I said I AM passionate - not was passionate.
But I am passionate about it within a much bigger picture of children and family work, also within how the church treats and relates to children and family ministry in general.

I am passionate about building life long resilient faith in all children - no matter what their ability is. I'm passionate about caring for all vulnerable children, no matter what their need and geographical location.

So in this new season, please see past the wheelchair and see the passion I have for children - regardless of ability or situation.

See you over at 'Pondering Platypus'!

NOTE: I will be leaving this site live as it still has many hits on old posts.

Passing The Baton

My Husband Steve and I have been jointly leading Children Worldwide for 14 years! 

But last weekend, during our team conference we handed the baton of leadership to others.

What we looked like 14 years ago
(I had no grey hair... actually - not much hair at all!)

Those 14 years have been a long journey. 

They have been filled with many emotions, many stories, more than a few hard decisions, but lots of laughs too. 

We leave the role with a whole host of friends and colleagues up and down the country, 4 lovely God children, lots of memories and it seems (according to the members)… a job well done.

We took the role on in fear and trepidation, and over the years as rules have changed and we have merged with FFT, the role has changed beyond recognition. 

It hasn’t been easy, and we haven’t taken the role lightly. Leadership is a huge responsibility and we have felt the weight of that mantel. But within that there has also been joy.

Before we handed over the leadership along with some rather unusual gifts(!) I spoke about the ‘words’ we were given when we were voted in as leaders, and the fact that “The joy of the Lord has been our strength”. We played Rend Collective’s ‘Joy Of The Lord’, as the lyrics to this song summed it all up.

The two ‘words’ we were given all those years ago were:

“Look into the Father’s face”. This was given with a mental picture of a child looking into his father’s face, but when the child could look no more, the father lifted his child’s chin so he could continue to look. The old Chorus “Turn Your Eyes upon Jesus” came to mind! 

To keep looking to God is the only way to lead well, so this has been a vital and life giving message that has stayed with us.

The other word was “Give it away”, something we have always lived by personally, but something we have strived to do under the name of Children Worldwide too.

We both believe these are still valid words that need to be passed on with the leadership of Children Worldwide.

We felt it right to speak to the team about caring for their new leaders, and spoke with huge vulnerability about the toll leadership can take, in spite of the joy and the friendships involved.

The leaders of our council of reference, Chris and Sharon Leeson were there and lived up to their reputation of doing things somewhat differently! They used Hebrews 12:1 and in the absence of relay batons, Jenga bricks were used to physically hand over leadership, but done by getting us to pace out the race, with Sharon reading out our achievements as we walked, whilst the ‘cloud of witnesses' (aka, the team) cheered us on. It was incredibly moving.

Having passed the Baton, the next bit took me even more by surprise, as our speaker - the previous chair of Children Matter, came to the front clutching another Jenga brick (Baton!) so he could hand over the baton of my new role (Yep - Chair of the Children Matter exec group).

Another momentous moment was when the children handed over their individual thank you cards. The messages in those cards were so, so precious. I had to read them back in my room because I knew I would cry, and I didn't want to upset any of the children.

It was a memorable and great weekend. (I only have room to write about the leadership handover!)

We have been blessed beyond words by the generosity of gifts and the kind words in a memory book. Within that memory book is a drawing of us by a member, filled with words she felt described us. We honestly had no idea how many lives we had influenced over the years…. The way of many leaders is to remember the ones we couldn’t help…

But, we leave feeling content.

Many have asked if we have mixed feelings about it. But we don’t - we have huge confidence in the new directors and are happy to put ourselves under their leadership in the coming years. 

The New Leaders

We will remain members of the Children Worldwide family. We believe in what the organisation stands for, and we want to stand with them in that. As we said to the team: We are standing down from leadership.... not friendship.

Steve will remain a trustee of FFT - the overall charity, but I will step down as a trustee at the March board meeting.

As I’ve already said - my new role is chair of the Children Matter exec team. This is a lovely group of folk who work really well together and I’m looking forward to now having the time to serve and facilitate those in that team properly.

I will also continue to: 

Be part of the council of reference for Home for Good 

Serve on the Evangelical Alliance council 

Be an advisor for Spring Harvest on additional needs and disability.

And of course, carry on equipping those who work with children who have additional needs/disabilities - as part of the Additional Needs Alliance.

As a couple, we will carry on doing grassroots children’s work, especially the schools work we do locally. We’ll also continue training, equipping and doing consultation work for children’s workers, churches and organisations.

Thank you to all who have prayed for us over the years, please continue - there's much to be done!

Awesomeness

One of our pastors says that only God is awesome - and theologically speaking, he is correct!

We use the word ‘Awesome’ to describe many things, to the point we undervalue the true meaning of the word.

Joy, Hope and Stirring

Ok, so I haven’t been blogging much in 2015.

Truth is - I haven’t had much to say and very little time to say it!

2015 has been a strange mix of everything; blessings, sadness, busyness…. and even with moments of joy, I’ve felt as though some things in the last year have just sucked the life, joy and confidence out of my soul and replaced them with fear.

I’m hoping that 2016 will see that life, joy and confidence restored - I have much to look forward to!

As I’ve been scanning down the New Year’s comments on social media, I’ve been noticing the huge spectrum of the greetings. Some saying that God has promised a healthy and prosperous 2016 to us (Utter tosh by the way!) and others at the other end of the spectrum, helpfully saying they pray God will walk with us through the coming year.

However, the ones that have stood out have been ones about hope. These have been from people who have had a devastating 2015, who are looking forward to the coming year with hope. Not that banal “I hope everything works out” sort of hope, but a solid hope that has it’s foundations in the grace of God. True grit hope!

As the year has come to an end, and the date of our stepping down from leading Children worldwide gets closer, many of my friends have said one key thing to me. None of these friends know each other, but they are saying the same thing…. and I’m finding the word they are using slightly disturbing!!

Stirring.

When I was young, being called a stirrer was an admonition. You were told off for doing it. As a shy introvert who doesn’t like confrontation, stirring was something I didn’t do.

But my praying friends seem to think this is what I am being called to do in the coming season of my life, and it’s scary.

As I look back over the last year, I suppose I have made a small start in this “gift of stirring” (as one friend called it!) but I’m not comfortable doing it. Maybe that’s a good thing - it means I not only care about the things I’m stirring stuff up about, but I also care about the feelings of the people I’m stirring up.

So my prayers for 2016, for myself, are:

Restoration - of life and joy

A Firm foundation - of Hope

Wisdom and love - to stir well

(And the ability to rest well within the whirlwind of life!)

For my friends and family I pray for that firm foundation of hope to be present every day, and for a deep God given joy that survives all that life throws at you. May you also ‘stir’ well and with wisdom, in whatever thing God has laid on your heart.

….. May the stirring begin!

We Found Out Who Our Friends Are

Well that's a strange blog title.... 

Most will see it as negative (Which sadly brings more blog readers) but I actually meant it as a positive title.

Over the past few months, we’ve discovered who our friends are….. and there were more than we could imagine.

Thankyou To Some Wonderful People

We have just come back from our second week of camp - I was grateful to have a week in between the two weeks of camp to recover a little!

I have been impressed by the wonderful leaders we had on the camps. The last camp was for the youngest campers - so more tiring, especially when many of the leaders had done the previous camp. 

Fibromyalgia Awareness Day

It's Fibromyalgia awareness day.

As my lovely hubby said: "I think you're aware of it every day!"

Just Call Me Kay

I have come across folk with disabilities who have scared me witless.

This is not because of their disability, but their attitude to those around them.

When I’m doing disability consultancy I fear being summoned by them. It’s terrifying waiting for them to access what I have put in place because I know I will get a tirade if I have got something wrong - even a small thing. 

Talk to me... Sensibly

Having said yesterday about the ‘arm strokers’, there are some folk who are the exact opposite.

Some people won’t come near me, or my other disabled friends. They will give a wide berth, look away quickly and avoid any eye contact.

Some will stare from a distance

Arm Stroking Christians

I tend to view my body as my own.

I don't think I'm unusual in that.

Only those with permission or those who I count as friends and trust are allowed to touch, even if it’s only a hand on my shoulder.

This is for many reasons….. 

“People In Wheelchairs are Weird”

“People In Wheelchairs are Weird”

Yes, somebody actually said this. Horrendous isn’t it?

Let me add some context to the comment.

A young friend of mine uses a wheelchair. He’s a bright kid with a wicked sense of humour and was attending one of the children’s programmes last week. In his team was a little girl who asked a few questions about him and then announced, in surprised fashion, that he was actually quite ‘normal’. One of the leaders in the team gently asked why she was surprised by this. Her answer was worrying: “My mum says people in wheelchairs are weird. But he isn’t”.

Thankyou Spring Harvest

I love the way Spring Harvest have embedded disability awareness into the centre of their being. They do what they can to be inclusive within the constraints all organisations have, whether Christian or secular. It is standard practice for health and safety to ‘trump’ inclusion when it comes to large events, and I believe Spring Harvest balance all these things really well. They do the best they can with the resources they have at their disposal.

Worship As A Mighty Flood of Justice

Now for a weird verse to start a blog post:

Amos 5: 21 - 24 (NLT)

“I hate all your show and pretense - the hypocrisy of your religious festivals and solemn assemblies.

I will not accept your burnt offerings and grain offerings. I won’t even notice all your choice peace offerings.

Away with your noisy hymns of praise!

I will not listen to the music of your harps.

Instead, I want to see a mighty flood of justice, an endless river of righteous living.

It doesn’t make comfortable reading does it? And it certainly would not make it onto the fridge, held in place with a ‘footprints’ fridge magnet!!

But it’s a passage that keeps coming back to haunt me.

I remember it being preached on when I was in my 20’s - quite a brave move on the part of our then minister.

It haunted me then too, but not as much as it does now.

It’s got nothing to do with any of the festivals/conferences I go to or work with, and nothing to do with my enjoyment of worship. I love worship and hearing a huge congregation singing God's praises - it can be spine tingling! It's not got anything to do with the worship leaders I work with either - they are wonderful people.

What I am about to comment on is a trend - not any specific individuals.

What bothers me is that ‘Sung Worship’ is becoming the ‘be all and end all’ of worship when actually - justice and care is also a large and vital part of our worship. As is living a righteous life.

It bothers me that more and more folk are going to conferences on worship, and less and less are going to conferences about reaching out to our communities.

It bothers me that our young people are being conditioned into thinking worship only means singing and having a good boogie to Christian music. 

It also bothers me that more people want to be worship leaders than Sunday school leaders, preachers and coffee servers.

I have found that the aspiration of most Christian young people today is to be a worship leader.

And yet, conversely, having stood at the back of a youth worship event, where the leaders felt the young people wanted the worship loud, with mainly darkness and sweeping lights - not many of the young people seemed engaged with this worship experience, that was supposedly designed around them. 

It bothers me that many, MANY reams of writing and blogs are given over to how we do our worship better and with more glitz, and stuff written on how to feed hungry children goes mostly unread.

It bothers me that often, the need for some church based worship leaders to do things their way, in the name of “enhancing the worship experience” (Yes, I've heard that said) often means the vulnerable in our churches are excluded and unable to worship, because “the mood” is more important than making sure ALL can worship - inclusively. It also bothers me that this lack of inclusive worship is often blamed on the Holy Spirit’s ‘leading’….. 

I must admit that I often see big worship events on TV, watch the trendy light displays, the darkened room with people jumping up and down…… and I feel sick - both physically and emotionally.

This is because I believe with all the concentration on worship, we are selling our children and teenagers short.

We are not teaching them that living a righteous life is worship

We are not teaching them that Justice is worship

We are not teaching them to care.

We are not leading by example in other types of practical worship in the form of Justice. And by that I don’t mean the trendy things that we jump on the band wagon with - the ones that will be forgotten in a couple of months, but rather, a long term passion for justice in our world and righteousness in our own lives.

Last night I visited a youth group who asked for a consultancy appointment. The adults and some of the young people who run this group feel God is leading them to reach out to other young people with additional needs. They already have a few, and as a team they want to reach out to the vulnerable in their community. They are a small and unknown group. They don’t sing - but God LOVES their worship.

My Adoption Was An Act Of Love

For Mother’s day this year, I would like to pray for those mothers who have given their children up for adoption. 

It’s a hard day for them.

All over the country there are women wondering what their child is doing, if they have the same name they chose, hoping they are happy, wondering if they have families of their own - or even if they are still alive. They are also grieving for the relationship they never had, the memories they missed, and the grandchildren they will never meet. 

They are hurting - and they need our prayers and comfort.

Quite often these mothers get a bad press. Nowadays there is the assumption that they must have been bad mothers to give up their children, or they had their children removed because they were bad parents.

This isn’t always the case.

Some have given up their babies out of love, and the desire to give their child a better life.

In the past, some have been coerced into giving up their baby by others.

Some birth mothers just wouldn’t be able to care for their baby because of their own situation - a situation that may not be their fault.

For these Mothers - let us celebrate their gift to many adoptive mums who have discovered the joy of motherhood because of this painful sacrifice.

The criticism  grows for parents who decide to give up their child with additional needs. These parents rarely give up their child because they “Weren’t perfect”. It’s for much greater reasons. Bringing up a child with additional needs is stressful and expensive. There is little support out there, and an awful lot of judgement. 

Even if a mother has had her child ‘removed’ they still deserve our compassion and our prayers. We don’t know what has brought them to the point of harming or neglecting their child. I hate it with a passion when a child is hurt by those who should be caring and I want to retaliate on the child’s behalf. I question God with a shaken fist when I see the results of abuse, but I am brought back to the same phrase: “There but for the grace of God…….”

Kay Aged 5

I for one am grateful that my birth mother - even in the dire situation she found herself - chose to give me life. No one would have blamed her for choosing another path given the circumstances of my conception.

I understand the pain of giving me up must have been great, but her heart was to give me the best start in life. I am thankful that my adoptive mum made sure I knew this - that I wasn’t rejected, and that my adoption was an act of love.

I couple of years ago I took a Mother’s Day all age service. I spoke on Moses - and referred to the pain His mother must have felt when handing him over to Pharaoh’s daughter. But in doing this, she saved his life. 

We stopped to pray for other birth mums out there who experience this pain every day, especially on Mother’s Day.

I’ll never forget the tearful lady who later thanked me for acknowledging the pain of being “The Birth Mother”.

As people who are Adopted into God’s Family, let us pray for those, who for whatever reason, no longer have the child they gave birth to.

(I support the work of Home for Good, and am proud to say I'm part of their council of reference. Check out their mother's day resources here)

Speaking Kind Words

Proverbs 16:2 (ERV)
Kind words are like honey; they are easy to accept and good for your health.

Colossians 4:6(ERV)
When you talk, you should always be kind and wise. Then you will be able to answer everyone in the way you should.

Proverbs 25:11(ERV)
Saying the right thing at the right time is like a golden apple in a silver setting.

A quick search of the bible can bring up a lot of advice on how to speak kindly. Words often ignored in the name of whatever 'crusade we' are embarking on.

If God Calls You - You Can Do It.

Two blogs in a day! Wow!

But this is the blog I actually intended to write today. It fits with the previous one…. sort of.

This one comes out of a Facebook update I wrote, and the many comments I received after posting it. You can see it here.

The actual update read: 

“A lady at church said because of my disability, I should retire & stop running around the country... 

#SillyLady #Only49 #FitForWork #LoveMyJob #VeryCrossKay

Remembering the Holocaust

As people around the world remember the holocaust, we have been shocked at newly released film footage from the concentration camps.

The documentaries showing this footage spoke a little of how those with disabilities were also targeted - either killed instantly in their euthanasia programmes, or experimented on in grotesque ways.

They were killed because they were deemed to be "damaging to the common good" by the Nazi party.

Empowering or Humiliating?

Anyone who knows me will know that I’m normally a happy, placid and contented person. It takes a lot to ruffle my feathers!

But over the last couple of days I have managed to get my feathers ruffled…. a lot. 

And what has caused this amazing ruffling of feathers?

A holiday booking. (And if you read on... a worship event too)

Dreams

Last week I read Sheridan Voysey's book 'Ressurection Year'.

I wanted to read it for a couple of reasons: