Is Prayer A Duty Or A Joy?

As I was growing up, prayer was sold to me as a chore. Something I had to do as a duty. It felt as though having a good prayer life was the thing to be worshiped, rather God. No one told me it could be a joy. No one gave me the tools  to enjoy it or be effective - I was just told to do it, do it for a long time everyday and always do it in the morning. Not helpful!

From the reaction to my last post, it seems I am not alone in this. Many have sent private messages saying that they have the same problems with prayer, and thank you for saying what I said. (Anyone who doesn’t agree hasn’t commented)

It wasn’t until I moved churches when I was 17 that I realised how much more prayer could be. I went to a youth house group meeting and heard someone pray in a normal voice using normal language, as though Jesus was sitting right next to him. It sounded as natural as breathing to him. I’d never heard anything like it and it bowled me over.

That was 30 years ago. For over 20 of those years I’ve been in full time kids work and I’ve been determined to give kids a much better experience of prayer than I got - getting them excited about praying, but also facilitating kids with additional needs who find the whole traditional approach to prayer almost impossible.

If you look back through my posts you will see quite a few of the ‘object prayers’  I love to use with children, to spark an interest and an excitement in prayer

With the onset of disability in my own life, I’ve had to work through a lot when it comes to prayer. It’s given me a whole new perspective when it comes to cognitive ability and the process of prayer.

I’ve learnt that I can shout at God - but still worship.

I’ve learnt that it’s ok to say “it’s not fair” but still trust His wisdom.

I’ve learnt that He understands when I’m bone tired and soul weary and struggle to find the words to speak to Him - and yet on those days find I’ve had the best wordless conversation with Him ever.

I’ve also found out that God doesn’t mind if I sometimes read my prayers rather than relying on memory….. but more of that tomorrow!

Tomorrow I’ll be posting some short posts on things I find helpful for personal prayer - a post per suggestion. Later in the month I’ll post some things that may be useful to any age group in encouraging a habit of prayer

Be blessed - in the truest sense of the word!

What was I Praying?

Let’s be honest - we all find prayer difficult at some point in our lives, and for many different reasons.

If you were like me, you were brought up in a church where great value was placed on how long you prayed for in a morning - to rise early and spend at  least 30 minutes with God. (Subtext to that - “but an hour makes you a better Christian”)

Prayer meetings all had a similar flavour, where ancient worthies would pray for over 10 minutes using beautiful language - but some of which I couldn’t understand. I couldn’t listen/concentrate for that long and I couldn’t live up to this expectation.

I did pray out loud once as a teenager: A bunch of us who played badminton on a friday night with our church youth group would take ourselves off for half an hour to pray for our “non Christian friends”. I prayed for a guy I’d met through my Saturday job - apparently my prayer didn’t quite hit the mark. It took a very long time to pluck up the courage to pray out loud again! No one seemed to place any worth on the fact I valued prayer enough to actually be there rather than stay and play an extra game of badminton!

Whilst we’re being honest, we probably need to say that some of us just don’t have the concentration to cope with praying long public prayers or trying to pray for 30 minutes at a time (especially in the morning). And it’s not just those with Attention Deficit Disorder!

There are some who can do all this - but I suspect that this is often more down to personality than it is to being an uber-amazing Christian. It’s at this point I usually get shouts of ‘Heretic - burn her’! (Or the modern-day evangelical equivalent)

I totally agree that without prayer and without time to study God’s word our faith would just sink. It is vital to our survival.

But if you have one of many chronic illnesses, it can be quite hard to do what well meaning Christian teachers tell us we should do.

There are many conditions that make first thing in the morning the worst time to pray and read, there are conditions that make concentration hard  too.

For example, one of the conditions I have has an associated problem that can affect concentration, memory, the ability to put sentences together and being able to remember exactly what you were saying by halfway through that sentence. You can blank out very quickly too!

I’ve chatted to others with similar issues who not only struggle with quiet times/prayer, but also the guilt laid on them because they can’t ‘do prayer like they’re supposed to’. They are adults, teenagers and children. And it is for them I’m putting together a series of blogs on praying when you can’t concentrate for long. I hope that some of the info will also be useful for Children’s leaders who want to do more praying with their groups.

The truth is, over many years the 'church' has added to the rules of praying. We've put these rules on to new Christians for all the best intentions - we want to make sure the habit of prayer is formed early. 

It's a great aspiration!

But we forget the God has made us all with different personalities, and not all of us can follow this prescribed way of praying.

I was really helped by a comment by a friend in my home group. He said "Prayer is about my relationship with God, not what I ask for". If we pray, and our relationship with God grows, does it really matter how we get there?

For me, I am so thankful to now have people around me who just ‘get’ how I have to function. They appreciate my ‘constant conversation’ approach to prayer. Plus I’m grateful for those who work with me and never judge me if I don’t pray during those necessary early morning prayer meetings at camps and conferences - just because my speech jumbles in the early morning. 

I love those early morning prayer meetings…. I’d just rather not try to pray out loud!